Grace or Consequence

We were on our way home from family vacation when we got the call, “Something happened, and it’s not the worst thing ever, but it’s bad.” Don’t you love conversations that start that way? The details of what happened aren’t important, but the lesson that God taught me certainly is. Something dear to us had been vandalized. As I hung up the phone and started working through the situation in my mind and what the appropriate response was, I immediately thought “we need to call the police” and I clearly heard “not now”.  I didn’t understand why, it was the logical thing to do, but I just didn’t have that release.  Later, I found out why.  When the party responsible came forward, to apologize and attempt to make things right, I clearly heard the Lord’s voice again, “You can choose to prove a point, or you can choose to minister grace”.  You see, it was well within our rights to make this person “pay” for what they had done. To call the police, file a report, even take him to court, no one would have blamed us.  In all reality, people said some nasty things about us because we chose NOT to do that.  Instead, we had the opportunity to show grace.  I know I’ve had plenty of moments in my life that I’ve been in need of truckloads of grace, and I’ll probably be there again at some point.  In showing forgiveness, we had the opportunity to make an impact in a young life, and hopefully God was able to use that situation to spark an eternal change in his heart.  We don’t always get it right, but in this situation, I think we got pretty close.

I can’t say this is always the case, or even that it should be. There’s certainly a lot to be said for someone facing the consequences of what they’ve done wrong. When the topic of consequences comes up, I often think back to an entire summer in middle school that I spent grounded. I was with a group of friends at an amusement park and we got busted for stealing ankle bracelets. They called our parents and kicked us out of the park after a terrifying interrogation, where I was pretty certain I was going to prison for life (I was like 12 and incredibly gullible, ok?!). My mom was livid and I knew my life was over for the foreseeable future. That evening, while the rest of our softball team headed out for fun activities, I got to stay in my hotel room with my mother. One of my friends received the same incarceration treatment, but the other got to go out. Like 4 hours after we got kicked out of an amusement park for stealing! I was so upset at the unfairness of it all. I spent the entire summer grounded, way longer than anyone else! One of the girls got away with basically a “stern talking to” from her mom. Years later, that same friend still hadn't learned her lesson and got in a lot more serious trouble with the law after continuing her “adventures”. It wasn’t until then that it finally clicked. Maybe, my mom got it right after all. I certainly never stole again after that awful experience and “ridiculous“ punishment! If my friend had experienced the same thing, maybe she would have chosen a different path.

As a parent, sometimes I find myself struggling between these two “extremes”. When is it time for grace, and when is it time to lay down the law like they’ll never forget? And to make it even harder, I have one child that is so tender hearted that even the slightest hint of disappointment or scolding and they’re in tears, and another one that typically conceals emotion (good or bad) and is much harder to read. Oh, and now that one of those personalities is a teenage girl, that brings a whole new hormonal whirlwind of emotion into the equation! Lord, help me!

No, seriously, I need His help! This isn’t a post that I can wrap up in a neat little bow with an answer and scripture to be applied like a magic formula to every situation. If it were that simple I’m pretty sure I’d have that bound in a best-selling book and be set for retirement! If it were only that simple. But, it’s not, so I’ll continue with what I do know to do. I’ll follow the prompting of the Holy Spirit to lead me through every step. I’ll continue to teach my children about the grace and love of God. I’ll also continue to teach about the destructive nature of sin and why He’s gone to such great lengths to help us choose another way. And I will continue to ask for His help, admit when I’ve missed the mark (both to Him and my kids when needed) and love them thru teaching and correction in the best ways I know. I’m thankful I don’t have to know all the answers, but I know the one who does!