When the Silence is Deafening
- Tiffany
- Jun 20, 2019
- 3 min read
Updated: Mar 1, 2024
It’s Thursday and we traveled to El Paso with the kids today. My scan is tomorrow morning in Las Cruces, so we decided to bring the kids along and have a few fun days away with the family with a small side of mom’s doctor appointment. They know I’ve had some stomach trouble and that we’re in town to have a test done, but that’s the extent of their knowledge. We rented a gorgeous house with a pool and have had giggles galore! This evening has been exactly what I needed. Time spent focusing on the people dearest to me has helped silence the battle in my mind from earlier today.
The two hour drive here was tough. The kids had settled into the backseat with their iPads and were lost in the world of headphones. Jason was quiet, which is unusual on the road. There was music on, but he wasn’t jamming out with it or saying much either. I knew he was processing all that's going on, as I was too. As I stared out the new jeep window, my eyes following trails up the mountains around us, my mind began to wander. We’ve talked about building a vacation home in this area and exploring the terrain with ATVs or the Jeep on the weekends. I began to think about the adventures we’ve planned for years, some of which we’ve accomplished, but there’s so many more we haven’t gotten to yet. Brooklyn’s dream is Paris. I can’t wait to stare up at the Eiffel Tower with her in a few years. Connor wants to see Hawaii, and pretty much anywhere with a beach, but Hawaii is his latest obsession. That one's on the short list of near future getaways for all of us. And then my eyes begin to fill with tears as the thought of my family having to do those things without me slaps me across the face. I think about all that’s left to do with them, so many dreams to carry out, so much of the vision that God has given us left to accomplish. It's the loudest silence I've ever experienced and it was allowing my thoughts to tear me apart. I know I can’t go down this dangerous road. I have to stop this thought process before it wrecks me completely. So, as I have a LOT the past few days, I grabbed my headphones. I have had almost a constant stream of worship music or sermons in my ears this week. I figure, if I’m feeding my spirit then my mind is focused where it should be and not on the situation at hand. I asked the Lord to comfort me and guard my mind from the thoughts that are not beneficial to my purpose. I shuffled my growing "Victory" playlist and Bethel’s “Promises Never Fail” came on first. I silently wept in His presence and just let his peace comfort every part of me. I listened to the same song on repeat for about 30 minutes, and finally, when I felt like I was in a more solid place, I commandeered the truck's car play system and made Jason listen to it as well. We both cried as we held hands and let these words remind us of the unfailing promises of our faithful God:
“Healing, freedom As You speak favor over me Faith is breaking All impossibility Your name has overcome Your name alone
For I know Your thoughts Your plans for me are good I know You hold My future and my hope Your promises never fail Your promises never fail And Your promises never fail And Your promises never fail”
These words have become my anthem today and this song is now #1 on my quickly growing playlist. We probably have about a week before we'll know anything further from this scan I'm having tomorrow, so I'm arming myself with whatever I can to keep my mind focused on the promises of God. When the silence is deafening, I am armed to fill it with reminders of where my hope comes from. I'm so incredibly thankful the battle over the illness isn't mine to fight, because the battle just to keep my mind focused where it should be is hard enough. I'm grateful to rest in the safest place I know, the arms of my Father.
*Here‘s a couple messages that have resonated with me most strongly this weekend:
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